LATE!!

This is my extremely LATE new years resolution!
First. This year i am finding me!
I wish i understood myself! I try soo hard to get what i want from everyone else, but now im starting to realize im not getting what i want from me! I always thought i wasnt a jealous person! So why do i get so upset when my boyfriend talks to other girls? I honestly do not picture him leaving me. I just want them to go away. I just want it to be me and him. I mean i want him to have friends but just ugly ones haha see! That is so messed up! But i just get so bummed out when someone is prettier than me, not in jeolous like i hate them but it makes me feel bad about me.
Im always so down on myself. but i know im pretty.
It makes no sense!
Second. I need to learn how to STOP thinking so much! I always have so many things on my mind 24/7! Where is my nothing box!
I lay awake for at least several hours everynight trying to fall asleep and im not even thinking about life or anything important just random stupid stuff!
Like something me and my boy argued about like 3 months ago!
Third. Im sick of living in the past. I just cant seem to let go of stuff.
Fourth. No one knows me.
I want to share who i really am with someone who will appreciates it.
My boyfriend. I tell him somethings. things that happen at school, the past or whats on my mind. But i cant tell him everything i want too. I try but it just never comes out the way i see it in my mind. I always put my foot in my mouth and mess up.
My bestfriend. I tell her almost everything. But some stuff i keep to myself and i cant even begin to try to explain.
Myself?? I try so hard to tell me what to do! I have a mind of my own and i dont listen to a word i say! lol
Im just so confused my mind is a jumblement of 50 million different thoughts and feelings!